I am in my parent's home. It is not where I grew up. I have never lived in this house so I don't know if I can call it home. I love them and I am so happy to be with them but I hate that we are so distant. Not just in distance but in emotion. I have always sought their approval and acceptance and right or wrong I always feel like I fail. Today was certainly no exception. I wish I knew how to not need or want this. I wish I knew how to be enough for myself by myself. I sadly do not. It shreds my heart when my mother does not care that I am moving closer. It hurts to feel her silent disapproval when I speak of my partner. I want her to see all the other things about me that she can be proud of but sadly I don't think she sees anything but what she perceives as my lost potential.
On the up side I guess I know what I will be discussing in therapy next week.
I love you Mom. I hope we learn to relate to each other better before our chance is gone.
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