My Mom and I at Christmas in the Keys - Swordfishing
My visit to see my family was rough and fantastic all at the same time. I know they love me - but I so crave their approval and affirmation - which is something that is hard to come by in my family. It is especially rough with my Mom. But I feel like we turned a little bit of a corner. On Sunday, while I was visiting with my Partner's family, my Mom went to the hospital with chest pains. She was fine but had to go for stress tests and one of those indicated the need for a heart cath. That has all turned out fine as well but I think it served as a reminder for both of us that our time together isn't guaranteed so we need to make the most of it. I went back over Sunday night and stayed with them. It was a totally different feeling - less tense and more open and real. It was a very pleasant evening and a better end to the visit. I'm glad I went back or I would have left Texas feeling discouraged, unhappy and dissatisfied with our visit.
I'm never going to have the relationship I want with them but I can have a different one. I can call more and be around more and show them that I love them - even if I'm not exactly who they want me to be. I haven't shown that enough. So, things ended on a better note than where we started, for which I'm grateful...but I still need therapy! :)