Ramblings

My camera is collecting dust. It travelled with me to the UK and didn't come out of its bag. Many reasons, none important. I have trouble being the me that is me. I am analytical and creative at the same time but it is hard to have one foot in each world. When I analyze the creative suffers. When I am creative the analysis suffers. How do I find a balance? I'm not quite sure.

I realized today that I am the last holdout of my friends to have kids. I wonder what this says about me. My friends either have them or are trying to have them yet I am stuck in a 20's mindset of thinking that I am too young...yet in truth I am too old...I would be a high risk pregnancy if I were to decide on that route. I still don't know that I want kids but I think that I don't want them for the wrong reasons...I think that I don't want them because I HAD one and placed him for adoption. I have a hard time relating him to me...so what if that were true of children I raise? OK, that is a much deeper blog for a much deeper time.

Anyway...this was about photography. I need to get my camera out and start snapping. That was my goal this year and so far I am only partially successful.

More to come on the kids thing...I obviously have thoughts on that and they are unresolved.

Lovely, brilliant and squiffy

I was in England for two weeks - a very long time to be away and NOT be on vacation. I am on the project from hell at work and it has me travelling for two weeks every two weeks. This time it was out office just a few miles from Windsor. It's crazy to me that you walk around the town of Windsor doing shopping...getting coffee...eating lunch...all RIGHT next to a castle. It's nuts. There's a castle. Right there. A castle. Weird. It's huge and big and the Queen stays there. A castle.

So there are a few words that my British colleagues say a lot and I've suddenly picked them up like some sort of linguistic chameleon. I sound like Madonna when she went through her "I live in LA but speak with an English accent" phase. So I find myself saying things like, "brilliant" or "lovely" or my favorite, "squiffy." I didn't mean to go there an pick up new words, although technically only "squiffy" is new - I just never really use the other two. It just happened.

Something else I noticed while there: the English think the Americans are rude...I don't think it is that we are more rude than they are we just don't have inherently polite accents. I heard a man say to a woman, "get out of my way bloody woman." That was rude yet when he said it there was still a polite accent that made him sound better than if an American politely said, "excuse me." It is terribly unfair but it is what it is.

I spent the day today getting food stuff ready for the week. I'm exhausted and wondering when I became a domesticated animal...I am a good cook I am just not known for my womanly care taking skills. But I did meal planning and so I got ready what I could. So the pork tenderloin is marinating in the yummy mojo sauce (Monday's dinner), the chicken is marinating in the yummy tomato/basil sauce (Tuesday), the pesto is made from the basil I picked from my counter top garden (Wednesday's dinner) and my lovely salmon/cream cheese/dill spread is whipped for my snacks. I even decided to make an orange and cranberry granata (sp?) for dessert so they are cooling before going in the freezer. We'll see how those turn out.

So now I am going to try a drink that my friend Denise says soothes her soul...I don't know about all that but it sounds good so I'm off to make myself a Yerba Mate tea with steamed milk and agave nectar. I'll let you know how that turns out...if there's anyone out there who reads this drivel.

Up too late

I leave for the airport in a few hours and I should be sleeping but I can't. I'm so tired I'm unable to sleep. I am headed off for two weeks in the UK for work and I'm not looking forward to the long trip and being away for another two weeks. I made the mistake of checking my email to see that I am being asked to be in our Santa Clara office for the entire month of May. That's going to go over like a lead balloon here at home. I can't even imagine having that conversation...and I have NO desire to be gone a month. I am going to have to talk to them and work something out...that's just too much. I know they need a team of supporting the go live of our new system but ouch.

I perfected my mojito combination tonight...perhaps the rush of simple syrup is what is keeping me up tonight...that and some deep thinking...I should probably write about all that but I think I'll hold off for now and keep all those thoughts to myself. Overall a good day but would like to have ended it with some sleep. Perhaps on the plane. It's a direct flight and with the time change I'll get in at bed time - which will work out well - I'll be sleepy.

OK, I'm going to work on my pics from Venice and Mexico and see if I can't get closer to done with those. Cheerio.

Bed Time Photos

Took these the first night in Mexico. I was a little tipsy on champagne and Susan was passed out from being sleepy. Here's the product of that strange combo...but i like the way they turned out...somewhere between creepy and sweet.

And in last place...my sinus cavity!

Went to the ear/nose/throat doc today. I keep getting sick with sinus yuckiness and finally broke down and went to the doctor. I HATE...and I mean HATE stuff being stuck up my nose. I won't even use nasal spray without throwing some kind of crazy fit about it. I'm a terrible nose patient (and as you can guess not a nose-picker). But after the sinus drama I had in September (short story is sinus infection lead to nose bleed for hours and hours. nose bleed lead to emergency room which lead to a nose tampon/balloon thing which lead to an allergic reaction which lead to LOTS of pain which lead to going back to the ER to get the nose tampon/balloon out of my nose which lead to weeks of drainage fluid constantly running out of my nose from the face swelling which lead to lots of dry, cracked, raw skin which lead to sticking wads of Kleenex up my nose which lead to a Kleenex shortage which lead to the depletion of yet another rain forest which lead to not enough oxygen in the air which lead to too much carbon dioxide which lead to sick people which lead to more sick people which lead to sick people travelling which lead to people dying of foreign germs which lead to the end of the world which makes me wonder if the Earth is over why am I sitting here writing this blog - I'm the only survivor - I should be looting or something)...where was I?

Oh yes, after Sinus drama in September I've had one sinus infection after another and had to see a specialist who wants to do surgery AND wants me to do this water nasal wash thing twice a day which of course entails sticking water up one side of your nose, letting it run out the other side of your nose, rinse and repeat. Ew. Gross. Yuck. Disgusting. Ick. so I didn't go back but now I got sick while on antibiotics from another sick and I am worn down (and leaving the country for another two weeks of work travel so of course I will be giving foreign germs out to Londoners like candy at Halloween...only gross).

So he tries to put the scope in the left side of my nose - which didn't work - because it is swollen shut - which explains why when I tried to do the nasty water nose-rinse thing all that happened was water backing up in my nose then running down my throat simultaneously gagging/choking and drowning me. Again, gross. Then a CT scan where he informs me that my left side of sinuses and the right side are now in a competition for last place in the sinus cavities he's seen that day - and I was in his waiting room seeing all the old people with mangled noses - this is NOT something I aspire to.

So maybe surgery when I get back. He wrote me a scrip for new antibiotics and...of course...nasal spray which I have to squirt three times a day...because that's how life goes for me. Karma's a bitch...is this because of the rain forest problem I created? Hmmmm. deep thoughts.

I haven't written in a while and now I'm too tired to write but I'll jot a bit down anyway. I wanted so much to blog about Venice while I was there. It was amazing and interesting and I learned a lot about myself on that little jaunt. I will have to write about it before I can no longer access how I was feeling while there. It already seems like so very long ago and it was just a matter of weeks.

I am at the office at 9:40 at night. It's the end of our fiscal year and my group works like slaves during this time - too much work, not enough resources, blah blah blah. I am going to go home soon but needed a brain break.

I can't wait to have some time to spend editing and posting the Venice pictures. Some turned out quite nice. I'm going to Mexico for a few days and then I have another work trip to England for two weeks. That's a long time to be gone and it's my third or fourth time to be away that long. A weekend in England should be nice. Hopefully I won't have to work and my camera and I can take another trip.

A new love

I think I may be in love with Italy. The people - so nice, so gracious and so genuine. The food - wow...I can't begin to do the food justice with the adjectives I know. The shopping - the leather for purses and handbags - the clothing that I'll probably never fit in but could look at all day. The architecture - it is rich and old and beautiful yet the city is clean and fresh and vibrant. It's amazing.

My parents met a lady in Venice who came here for vacation with her husband and when she went back home to New York she realized that the place in the world she'd been longing for was in Italy. She'd thought it was some internal happiness that she could find if she could do more yoga or put in more community service hours but it was actually a physical location where she felt that in tune and tuned in. She felt at home. She left her home in New York and moved to Venice where she gives tours to Americans. She and her husband are still married and see each other three times a year. I can almost understand why she did all that. There is something truly magical about this place. It is so rich and beautiful - I didn't get that when I was here years ago - I was too young to appreciate its inner and outer beauty.

I won't be leaving home and uprooting my life to live here but I will be figuring out a way to get back soon and spend a good long while visiting, photographing and enjoying the vibrations of this amazing place. The owner of the restaurant described her food as coming from the "woman energy of the hands" - I think that this place has the woman energy of the gods hands.